A while ago, I wrote about human needs. Strangely enough, returning to the same broad humanistic territory required even more reflection this time. What follows is essentially an extension—an application of those same core principles to how we actually live them out in our personal, professional, and public lives.
We can’t escape our needs, so we’re naturally pulled toward their fulfillment (or toward convincing illusions of it—I’ll come back to that). People are incredibly diverse, their life experiences richly varied, and so the ways we pursue those needs become just as multifarious. One could point out that culture plays a huge role: we’re gently (or not so gently) steered toward routines, behaviors, and norms that our society has already labeled safe, moral, or pro-social. I have no quarrel with that. Cultural evolution has tested and retained many of these patterns across vast populations. Whether they’re ultimately “better” or “worse” is a debate for another day.
We form relationships because certain needs demand to be met; that’s how we survive and flourish. Every relationship rests on inclusion and exclusion—who we let in and who we keep out. The principles stay the same, but the how, when, and under what conditions differ enormously from person to person and context to context.
Personally, I’m a strong advocate for inclusion, even though I’m an introvert by temperament. A broad inclusionary stance doesn’t mean abandoning discernment—far from it. It simply shifts the burden: if you want to keep the circle wide, you need a fast, robust, and thorough vetting process that can handle all kinds of cases. Real fulfillment in relationships only arrives with real accountability. That’s what makes them sustainable.
Everything has a cost. Relationships demand investment—time, energy, emotional labor—so yes, they carry a price tag. We should treat people with kindness, of course, but let’s not pretend it’s always easy or frictionless.
In low-cost relationships (casual friendships, online interactions, etc.), we can relax a bit. Paradoxically, these lighter connections often feel more playful, honest, and refreshing—which explains part of social media’s addictive pull. In high-cost relationships (marriage, deep friendship, close family, business partnerships), caution and care are non-negotiable.
One of the most common mistakes we make is assuming the person across from us shares our background, values, needs, and goals. That assumption is the root of countless misunderstandings: we project, we misread, we treat people as who we wish they were instead of who they actually are. This is why genuinely inclusive approaches are inherently slow and error-prone—they require deliberate, rational scrutiny rather than knee-jerk openness.
That’s all for this extension. More to come—stay tuned! :)